Banned from zoo.
Again?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i came on her dog
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
