Sry I called you an 8
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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