It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I didn't notice because vodka
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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