yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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