Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
