I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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