Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
