i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
