In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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