worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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