Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
