well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
