Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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