I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
