we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
