I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
