My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
They are going to name an STD after you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
