I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
