i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
