Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
