I got chris browned last night
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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