Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
