Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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