yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
