He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
