Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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