Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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