her vagine was all disorganized.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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