i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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