Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
