What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
