when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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