I didn't shave. On purpose
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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