all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
