I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
