Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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