Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
