Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
