We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
