Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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