let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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