Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
