i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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