I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
