that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Fuck appropriateness.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were trust falling into bushes
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
