the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
