I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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