Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
