Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
