Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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