what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
