Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
