dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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